A David Attenblog

I often refer to a shopping trip as an 'animalistic hunt' and anyone who has properly encountered the 'hullabaloo' of end-of-season sales, would not disagree.

I once witnessed two middle-aged women display a fascinating behavioral pattern which is normally associated with alpha-male gorillas during mating season. Each female competing for the prize, (in this case a pair of jeans with 30 per cent off), whilst the shoppers who manage to retain decorum merely stalk the edges of the shop- waiting to scavenge garments which are left clinging limply to the carcass of the sale rail.

After undertaking numerous shopping expeditions, I have documented many fascinating creatures which thrive in the retail world.

Often ignored but ever-present is the ‘shop assistant’ and in this very special blog, I provide you with information which has never before been documented about this creature and the three most common breeds.

1) Snobiousshopious

This particular creature is very specific about their habitat. They will not be found in common high-street shops and normally prefer to build a nest out of the finest available materials.

Be warned, this particular shop assistant can become quite hostile if it thinks that you have no placing within its' ‘finer’ hierarchic territory.

Blend in with its' natural surroundings and show that you do not feel intimidated by composing yourself with graceful airs.

2) Colossallybewilderdicus

Unfortunately, this particular breed of shop assistant is very common and can become quite alarmed when posed with even the simplest of questions.

It’s best to avoid this creature at all costs, or you may be left dealing with a painfully gormless display of highly bewildering stupidity.

3) Deservingbutnevergettingpromotionous

Finally, we have the rarest of all the creatures; the ‘caring’ assistant.

Distinguishable behavioural patterns include: genuine helpfulness and a believable expression of sorrow- often displayed when sought after garments are not in stock.

They work tirelessly to assemble a variety of coloured garments in order to create a display that will impress a largely female audience.

Look out for this particular species and treat them well because in such a profit driven industry, their numbers are sadly decreasing.

3D Burberry may need bigger models...

British fashion giants Burberry are to set to change catwalk history by being the first to screen their latest show in 3D.

The special effects for the 2010 autumn/winter show; which are believed to be inspired by three dimensional films such as Avatar, will be streamed simultaneously to Fashion hot spots all over the world- such as Paris, New York, Tokyo, Dubai and LA. 

The idea is that show goers will get a better view of the fabrics and colours, as well as being able to hear the music and sounds which compliment the displays, so that they will ultimately feel as though they are actually at the premier... though it might be less hassle to just go to London in the first place...

I am not certain what to make of this, it’s not exactly the ‘coolest’ of moves but it would be quite interesting to see rich and famous fashion icons trying to pout in the most dignified manner whilst viewing the show with a pair of ugly of 3D glasses stuck to their heads- although I suspect that unfortunately the budget for the specs will be a little higher than that of the plastic deformities that we mere ‘civilians’ are all used too!

However one thing's for sure, I would definitely prefer to watch the Burberry show rather than the three hour long Avatar film which is; as far as I can tell, simply a spin-off from the epic cartoon show- ‘The Smurfs.’ 

I guess we will just have to wait and see exactly how the special effects will benefit the fashion world, whether it’ll catch on and more importantly whether ‘3D’ effects actually make much difference with the two dimensional models...