I often refer to a shopping trip as an 'animalistic hunt' and anyone who has properly encountered the 'hullabaloo' of end-of-season sales, would not disagree.
I once witnessed two middle-aged women display a fascinating behavioral pattern which is normally associated with alpha-male gorillas during mating season. Each female competing for the prize, (in this case a pair of jeans with 30 per cent off), whilst the shoppers who manage to retain decorum merely stalk the edges of the shop- waiting to scavenge garments which are left clinging limply to the carcass of the sale rail.
After undertaking numerous shopping expeditions, I have documented many fascinating creatures which thrive in the retail world.
Often ignored but ever-present is the ‘shop assistant’ and in this very special blog, I provide you with information which has never before been documented about this creature and the three most common breeds.
1) Snobiousshopious
This particular creature is very specific about their habitat. They will not be found in common high-street shops and normally prefer to build a nest out of the finest available materials.
Be warned, this particular shop assistant can become quite hostile if it thinks that you have no placing within its' ‘finer’ hierarchic territory.
Blend in with its' natural surroundings and show that you do not feel intimidated by composing yourself with graceful airs.
2) Colossallybewilderdicus
Unfortunately, this particular breed of shop assistant is very common and can become quite alarmed when posed with even the simplest of questions.
It’s best to avoid this creature at all costs, or you may be left dealing with a painfully gormless display of highly bewildering stupidity.
3) Deservingbutnevergettingpromotionous
Finally, we have the rarest of all the creatures; the ‘caring’ assistant.
Distinguishable behavioural patterns include: genuine helpfulness and a believable expression of sorrow- often displayed when sought after garments are not in stock.
They work tirelessly to assemble a variety of coloured garments in order to create a display that will impress a largely female audience.
Look out for this particular species and treat them well because in such a profit driven industry, their numbers are sadly decreasing.
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